https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkD9sL6JDSA&t=2s

Being Rigid and taking things at face value will kill your results with women. I’m sure you guys can relate. When I first started picking up, I was very much about rules, structures, and principles. I read a lot of stuff online, most of it is from YouTube or blogs. I had a certain model of the world and how interactions should be. I used to treat girls and dates like business appointments. If things didn’t go according to plan, I would get really annoyed or things got derailed. It would just throw me off my course. 

For example, if I plan to take a girl to a restaurant and afterward we’re supposed to go get ice cream and the ice cream shop is closed, I would freak out or get really annoyed because things didn’t go according to plan. Because in a pickup book, it says you have to balance multiple locations and feel comfortable in leading. So again, it felt really off when things didn’t go according to how I envisioned. But if you look at it from a bigger perspective, there isn’t one specific way to do it. In the grand scheme of things, you don’t have to take a girl to an ice cream place. Nowhere does it say that. I can attest to the fact that after doing pickup for 10 years and going on hundreds of dates, there are literally thousands, if not millions, or even infinity of ways that they don’t work.

I’ve taken girls on Costco and grocery dates and plan on cooking, but we never cooked and closed. I’ve taken a girl to a gym for a gym date, came back and gave her a massage, and closed. I’ve taken girls to places that would be considered bad places for first dates like the movie and closed. One girl I had, got really hungry after the movie. I told her I had really delicious noodles, but it was just Top Ramen and she still agreed to it. I’ve gone on dates where I invited a girl to my place at 3 a.m. and I just gave her an Uber and she came straight to my bedroom. That worked. 

A lot of things have gone or changed. I plan to take a girl to a restaurant but during quarantine, the restaurants are closed. We just decided to go back straight to my place and get Uber. Here are some really ridiculous ones. There is this girl on Bumble. She’s not the smartest girl, not the sharpest tool in the shed. I’ll talk more about this later, but it’s one of those things that you just can’t fix, some girls and the problems in life. You just let her do her things and wait for an opportunity to arise. 

This girl goes on a date with another dude, finds out this guy was married and has kids. They got into a huge argument in the car. He literally kicks her out to the sidewalk. The funny thing is her mom is at work and locked her outside of her house. Basically, our date was essentially locked out of our house. I gave her Uber, straight to my condo and I closed there.

Again, there are infinite ways of how a date works, I really mean it. I’ve had girls go to my place and the intention was, we’re going to pregame. We’re going to get some drinks, do some pre-gaming. I don’t really drink that much. I just have alcohol at my place as an excuse. We’re supposed to go to the club afterward. But, we had a pregame, had music and we didn’t even go to the club. 

A lot of things can happen outside of your plan and they could still work. I had girls where they were supposed to meet up at 10:00 pm, but then she fell asleep and wakes up at 2:00 in the morning and shows up at my condo at 2:00 in the morning. It wasn’t even a date. She just came straight to my place. I understand that, in a lot of pickup materials and pickup books, they want to give you a framework or model because otherwise if you’re completely new and just saying that anything can happen doesn’t really help. As you start going out more and more, you realize there are a lot of exceptions to the rule.

Rules vs Reality: 

There are general guidelines, but there are even more exceptions. These humans are weird. They don’t really follow logical rules. You have to get that through experience and be able to make assessments using case-by-case scenarios. Remember when Mystery came out with the game? He’s old school. I mean, that book came out in 2004. You might be toddlers when that book came out. But he emphasized this point where you need to talk to a girl for 7 hours in general before getting laid, and just knowing what I know now is that a load of things.

When has ever been 7 hours or what has it even been 7 hours plus or minus one hour? It’s never been that case. It’s either been I’ve closed in as little as I pulled in under 30 seconds right back to my place and started closing under 15 minutes. There are also girls where I’ve closed two years later after meeting them or sometimes never. Think about it. The range is literally almost from zero to infinity. A girl will let you closed when she wants to get closed. There are no rules. 

Now knowing what I know, it’s more based on just how many times you hang out. Let’s say you have an average of 3 hours per day. If you closed on the first date, then it’s 3 hours.  If you closed on the second date and maybe it’s 6 hours, and closed on the third date, it’s 9 hours. It’s more based on increments of how many times you hang out or if you closed on the same night late, then it’s much shorter or it could be a lot longer.

There is the same malaise where it could be 10 minutes or less. There could be the same malaise where you open them at 11 p.m. and you don’t pull till 4 a.m in the morning and then she’s hungry, and now it’s 5 a.m. then you finally closed. The standard deviation is so huge. A lot of people just want a number. A lot of people think, “Well, how long do I talk to a girl? How many text messages should I send a girl before I invite them out?” I can’t give you a straight answer. Again, it depends on so many factors, you’re going to have or to do enough volume to make that assessment a case-by-case scenario.

Things to consider: 

Essentially, you need two things. You need a lot of data points. You need to be in certain situations, enough times to be able to pick patterns. First, you have to approach a lot. You’ve got to be in a lot of these similar situations. Then second, you have to have pattern recognition abilities. You have to be able to think critically. There isn’t one answer that fits all. Some girls can be down right away, some girls never. It depends on so many factors. 

• How is she feeling? Her physiology, whether she’s tired or not.
• When is the last time she had sex? 
• Does she have STD? 
• What’s her time of the month if she is bloating? 
• Does she have constipation? 
• Did she have a terrible breakup recently? 
• Did she make promises to her friends? 

There are so many factors that you have to consider and sometimes you just don’t know all the answers either. The point I’m trying to make in this blog is that pickup is very fluid. There aren’t hard, rigid rules. The only rule in pickup is don’t be weird, don’t be creepy, don’t do things that make girls uncomfortable. Other than that, anything can happen. All rules can go out the window. You can open and skip every single step. You can literally go from open to close and skip every single step in the middle.

Guidelines before Interacting:

I want to go through some general principles, guidelines, ideas, and mindsets when you’re interacting with girls so that you’re in the proper headspace. When things go wrong, you don’t get hurt or annoyed. I’m just going to go over some of these bullet points, a “NO” now doesn’t mean “NO” later. Negative can turn into positive. If you ask a girl, “Is she hungry right now?” If she says, no, that doesn’t mean the girl doesn’t want to talk to you. 

If you ask her at midnight, do you think maybe that will change at 4 am? That’s 4 hours later. There’s this thing called metabolism, which is burning fuel. She’s dancing at the club. She might burn a thousand calories by then and work up an appetite. You could literally make the same request a few hours later. She could change her mind, sometimes even after 30 minutes. You might ask a girl to do something. But if she’s with other girls or maybe with her overbearing sister. She will feel that social pressure and does not want to do something. But then again, once somehow her sister is out of sight,  you can literally ask the same thing, and get a different answer.

Again, NO doesn’t mean NO, it just means not yet. Just stay in the set, and if she’s still talking to you, then you know it’s still on. Or if you ask the girl something she doesn’t know, ask her something else 20 minutes later. People have different wants, needs, and likes, different things more than others. If you ask me to go to karaoke with you, I hate singing, so I’ll probably say no. But if you ask me to go to the gym with you or check out the latest Sony prerelease conference where the latest cameras are getting revealed, I’ll probably say yes. Because I like fitness and photography more than I do singing. Again, if she says “no” it’s not a big deal. Just keep at it and make a different request. 

Don’t force a “YES”:

Another thing is I see guys try to force a “YES”, in situations where it is not even necessary. They’re trying to force “YES” and they’re not thinking about what is the next mission objective. I’ll give you a perfect example. I’m sure all of you guys have approached a girl at the mall. A lot of girls in the malls have boyfriends and for sure 50% of those girls have boyfriends. One out of two girls will have a boyfriend. Very frequently or during the opener, the girl is going to say, I have a boyfriend.

A lot of guys try to go against it headstrong, like a brute force, and some guys will tell “I’m way better or I’m way cooler than your boyfriend.” Even though she might have dated this guy for many years. You just came in 30 seconds, guns blazing. It doesn’t always work like that. There’s a certain reality to the limitations of pickup. They try to get the girl who likes to admit something, “Oh yeah, My boyfriend? I do love him, but you know, I’m sluttier. I want to cheat and I’ve been waiting all day for some guy to approach me so we can do something in the mall bathroom“. 

That’s not the reality of 99.9% of situations. What is an actual realistic outcome if you meet a girl who has a boyfriend? The most likely outcome is you get a number or it’s like a platonic clause unless she’s in the phase of breaking up with him. Chances are you’re not going to get the girl to admit that her boyfriend is a loser or just go home with you right then. It’s very rare. Most likely you’re just going to get the number. So, why fight? I just talk about something else and get the number because that’s the only pretty much possible outcome and game later, so worry about it later.

Here’s the thing, there’s no time constraint. I mean, if she wants to hang out with you a week later or a month later, that’s cool. You’re 20 or 30 years old, you never talk to this girl for your whole life. What’s another week or two or three when she breaks up with her boyfriend? There is a time and a place to go hard to go guns blazing. But a lot of times it’s really not necessary because it’s not a realistic outcome. You’re going to get that through experience from doing a lot of approaches. 

YES can change later:

Girls can say “yes”, but it doesn’t mean it’s not a written contract. You don’t need a lawyer to sign each other’s agreements because this is not a business agreement. Especially a lot of guys when they start out, they’ll ask a girl, “Hey, we should hang out on Monday“. They don’t have a place, they don’t have time. They are just going to assume the girls like, “let me put this on my Google calendar”. That is not the case.

A lot of times when girls say yes to something, it’s not fully locked in until you lock it in and understand that. Don’t be too cocky. This is where knowing it’s kind of the Dunning Kruger effect. The more you know, the better you get at a game, the more you are self-aware, your limitations, what you’re good at, what you’re not good at. A lot of guys when they go into a game, they can’t really assess where they’re at. When I talk to a girl, I know my difficulty level or my odds. How much work am I going to put in? How difficult is this? Where am I at and the interaction? A lot of new guys can’t tell if a girl is totally DTF or not into the guy at all. That comes through self-awareness as you get better and better. 

Backstory from Puerto Vallarta trip:

Do girls change their minds all the time? I’ve had that happen. Here’s a good backstory for my Puerto Vallarta trip. That video that I made is pretty epic. I’m so glad that I made that video. But the backstory was this. I’ve seen this girl not seriously, I met her when she was actually competing, but then her bodybuilding convention got canceled. So she looked really good, which I thoroughly enjoyed. You know, just everything I wanted.

I think she was kind of a gold digger, but I didn’t buy her anything. The point is she wanted to go to Puerto Vallarta. I have a lot of points on my Amex business gold card. It’s two hundred dollars. So I kind of want to get away from Vegas. I booked the flight for me and her. Two days later, she was like, “Oh yeah, my dad is sick. I got to take care of him and I can’t go.” So what do I do, I didn’t really make a big deal. 

But I’m pretty sure it was not a good thing. Like taking care of your dad? The trip is a month out. You’re not even a nurse. How do you take care of your dad? What are you changing? His diapers? I didn’t call her out.

Something you have to learn in pickup is just being able to zoom and just assess it logically. It’s a two hundred dollar loss. Is it a big deal? In lots of natural, they have very good control of their emotions. That’s going to help you a lot with the game. So I didn’t make a big deal with it. I actually saw that as an opportunity to go to Puerto Vallarta to make a vlog.

I ended up getting way more dates and I was actually going there with my assistant. It worked out really well. The point I’m trying to make is “nothing is guaranteed”. You have to get that mindset and do your best. But if it doesn’t work out according to plan, don’t get annoyed. There are a lot of girls. You have to see the world the way it is, not the way you want it to be. 

Advice:

Probably, one of the biggest pieces of advice I can give you is there are so many times you want to see the world that we think it should be, right? The girls should do this. She should be based on principles. But the thing is, the world as it is, is a completely different story. You got to know the nature of how people are. You don’t put yourself in a position where you just get super irritated and it just wrecks your stay and you’re unproductive for a day or maybe for a week. Another thing, as long as you’re still in the loop with a girl, it doesn’t matter how many notes she says, as long as she gets one. That’s all that matters.

It’s like a business. Don’t be afraid to know if she’s still interacting with you. If she’s still talking to you, then the interaction is potentially still on. Next point, you don’t always have to say exactly what’s on your mind. Sometimes you have to learn how to dodge bullets. Girls are masters at dodging bullets and saying “Maybe”. They’re smart because if they say yes, they’re putting themselves in a bad situation. 

Let’s say they don’t want to bother you. But if they say no, then they will look dumb. A lot of girls do that. A lot of girls give you their number and then never talk to you because, theoretically, they don’t want to talk to you, they’re very diplomatic. So you learn how to be diplomatic and learn how to not do things that you don’t want but also not piss off the other person by using “maybes” more often. 

Let’s say you meet a girl. You’ve only talked to her for two minutes. You kind of like her. She’s attractive. She seems like a gold digger or she seems like the type of girl that just uses guys for drinks. But here’s the thing goes, the interactions are going pretty well. So you’re not sure, but let’s see how it goes. Then she asks you to buy her a drink. Now, you don’t want to say no because then she might just leave and there you’re risking or ruining the set. But you don’t want to say yes because you don’t want to spend twenty dollars. So what do you say? We say maybe. 

How do you say maybe? You come up with stories that make it sound reasonable and that if she got upset and she’s the one that is not the sort of following social standards. So what you can say is “I just had a shot with my friend. I’m Asian, I get really red and sick. Let’s get a shot in a little bit, a few more minutes so I can process the alcohol that I already have.” She might say “Buy me a drink now”, then she’s the one that looks dumb. “I got the Asian glow. I’m allergic to alcohol. Let me process the one I drink already.” But really what you’re doing is you’re saying maybe. You’re just hoping that the interaction goes well enough by that time or she forgets about it. So, learn how to dance and navigate by using maybes and not always saying exactly how you feel, because sometimes saying exactly how you feel is going to ruin the set. Pickup is all about having diplomatic skills.

Make changes as necessary:

There’s a million way to go on a date and have it go well. You don’t have to stick to your original plans when things change. If it’s not working, fix it. If you ask a girl to walk around with you in the park and she’s tired, you don’t have to commit to another ten miles of walking. Read her physiology, and adapt it. 

Girls falling asleep at the movie theater. Don’t force her and say “Let’s finish it.” Just pull her back to your place. If she’s tired from a hike, I wouldn’t prefer hiking days in the first place. But you know, she’s tired from walking. Don’t be rigid. Don’t say, “Well, you agreed to walk down in Las Vegas Boulevard with me in high heels, so we’re going to commit to it all the way to the end.” What do you get from that? You’re not her fitness trainer. If she’s feeling tired, change up the plan. Call an Uber. Do something else. Let’s say you’re eating and you’re planning on getting alcohol later.

Be flexible. As long as she’s in a good mood, you guys are vibing well, her physiologies in a neutral or positive state, and the logistics are going in the right direction, that’s all that matters. The date is just a means for interaction. Talking at a Starbucks is no better than talking at a $300 Nobu restaurant. A better restaurant might help her say yes, but once she’s on the date, none of those things really matter.

In summation just be adaptive. If she’s still talking to you, it’s good. There’s no time for constraint. 

• Don’t burn bridges. 
• Don’t put girls in uncomfortable situations. 
• Don’t try to change girls. 

I’m talking about girls that you’re not necessarily dating. I’m just saying girls that you’re meeting from a cold approach, new girls that you’re trying to progress the interaction with. These girls don’t spend the time to fix their issues. Don’t try to teach them how to wake up on time or use Google calendar. See the world as it is, see the girl as they are, and adapt your game to maximize your win. If you look at naturals, they never make girls uncomfortable, they never call them out, they never even do something. They’re in social circle situations where they have friends or friends of friends. They’re all people who know each other. They know how to take a hit without ruining the big picture.

Pickup is a Long Game:

Pickup is a long game. Sometimes your impulse to lash out or call her out for bad behavior. It’s something that even I had to get better at because I’m a very stubborn person, I’m very much based on principles and logic. I can’t stand retarded behaviors. So that’s something I had to deal with and you’re going to have to get better at it. Don’t be angry when girls did something. Keep it neutral or positive. You can literally just keep all your girls on your Instagram and funnel them and nurture them, put them in the incubator and just pounce when the timing is right. 

I know some guys are very rigid, “it’s my way or the highway, you disrespected me so I don’t want to talk to you again.” What’s your goal? Are you trying to be this alpha guy that doesn’t end up getting the girl? Or do you want to be a little bit flexible and end up with the girl? Again, there’s a lot of nuances. There are exceptions to what I’m saying as well. It’s your job to pickup when this applies and when that doesn’t apply. Obviously, if you’re dating a girl who’s doing a lot of bad behavior, you need to correct it. 

But again, if you’re going on a girl that you just met once on Tinder or Bumble, you can be the alpha guy, you can call her out for bad behavior, and she could just block you and go out with some other guy whenever it’s convenient. They’re really not here for personal mastery or something else. Just keep it positive, keep neutral things. Don’t go well, don’t lash out. Don’t call her out on it in most situations.